I struggle with a lot of things. I’ve been hurt a lot. I’ve been hurt to the point of not knowing whether or not I will heal. I feel like my walls are up so high that they will never be brought down.
Its hard, but I’m leaning on my faith.
When someone asks me about me, I don’t know how to answer. I don’t know much about my self. I’m still discovering me. I learning who I am and what’s made me, me. The only thing I know this for sure, that I am a mom, teacher, sister, and daughter. I know how to be those things. I need to learn how to be comfortable with me. Its not easy, and its a daily struggle.
Sometimes I wish that life wasn’t so hard, that I was more confident in who I was and more trusting in others. But I’m not and that’s a difficult thing to face. To know that the experiences I’ve had are so overwhelming that I need to learn how to crawl out from the space below those experiences, and to be on top of them and over that hump of fear.
I’m afraid, and because I am afraid I try to avoid a lot of things in my life. I avoid the things that are uncomfortable and that may hurt. I avoid dealing with feelings and emotions, hoping that they will just go away.
I don’t know how to deal with all my emotions other then having faith. And being reminded by certain scriptures that help me get through the hard times. This is one of those verses that I am constantly reminding myself with and one that really helps me remember what I need to be focused on:
3 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5
Its with that scripture that I get through my troubles, that I get through the hurt and pain. Its then that I can keep going.